I’m sitting on top of the world, looking down on creation. It is the only explanation I can find!
Yes, this one is not a bible verse, it is an old song by the Carpenters. But since moving here to our new home, it is on my mind a lot. Today, which is a Saturday. I spent most of the day either on our deck looking at the ocean and watching dolphins almost all day swimming around, surfing, jumping, fishing or eating. Even when watching the sunset the dolphins swam by. And because we sit about 100 feet above the water, you can see them below the water.
So the first part of what God was showing me this evening is that, just how far I have come in my journey with him. Reminding me of where I came from, what I was doing some 16 plus years ago when God first of all told me to sell my home in Clear Lake IA, and I did not understand why. I put a lot of sweat and blood into that home, thinking it was my forever home. Even though it was a simple little 1,000 sq ft, maybe a little bigger, home. And it was not even on the lake but across the street. I used to think to myself how great I had it. I was still in debt up to my eyebrows and many times stressed out because of it when money was tight. But I had an attitude of being very grateful to God. At the time I still did not understand the test and trials and did not embrace them like I do today, but I was seriously grateful to God.
Then after my home was sold, and we spent a vacation here in Baja Mexico, the Lord told me to move here, so after much debate and thinking, I obeyed and did it. It meant leaving my family, friends and my life as I knew it. But I did it out of love or respect to the commands of the Lord even though I did not want to. In doing so I lost the woman who I spent the last 6 years of my life with as she did not come with me. And where I used to see my older girls even though they never talked to me, at least I saw them, and then to nothing with them. It was not easy.
But now as I sit here on my deck, watching the day turn from bright and sunny and warm at around 75 degrees on Oct 18, which still amazes me compared to Iowa. As it turns to the sunset, then after glow to dark with stars shining. It is amazing seeing it all. Everyone who comes here is amazed at the construction, but mostly the views and what God created. We call it paradise and it is.
So this is the point, a person can look at it and think what is so special about this? Since I came to know God, I see it all here in Baja as amazing. But my mom for example did not like it. It was too dirty and poor. My friends who came down here, the same thing, they found a lot of faults with it. And I can also if I really think about something. Or I can keep this awe thought about it all. Because The Lord has kept me in awe of it all, as if I truly am on top of the world looking down on it all. In awe!
On the other hand today when we were at the beach, my wife was telling me about how she was talking with herself while driving and away from us. And she asked herself to name 3 things she likes about me, she never came up with the third. But she was quick to come up with 3 things she did not like about me. The funny thing as I am listening is that they are all superficial things. And without responding to the things I do and do not like about her. In my mind I am thinking the things I dislike the most about her are all things which test me to bring me to a deeper understanding of the things of God. There is never going to be a person who makes you feel extra special 100% of the time and never has anything bad they do nto like about you. There are always pros and cons.
Which brings me to the next comment she made, which was regarding a counselor we saw when adopting because we had to go to counseling to ge the girls. The counselor told my wife she is like a big flame or fire, and I am the control to control her flame. The counselor told her it is a good thing for both. But for years she took it as a bad thing, like I was trying to control her. And sometimes she still feels like that. But it is not true, as a control for the fire, it does not put it out except when you need to, it more so regulates the heat to make it work best.
Now the real point of this is not how our relationship is or how I am. But how God is. Because he is the same with all of us. We have this fire in us, things we want to do, things we want to be. Things we want to experience or have people look at us and think how special we are… And God comes in and regulates it, many times humbling us because we need it.
For some reason God reminded me of a football player named Junior Sayou (or something like that). He was a linebacker for the San Diego Chargers and very successful. He had it all yet after his career ended he committed suicide supposedly because he could not handle the transition from spotlight to nothing, There are other men like Robin Williams who did the same supposedly.
Now I want to tie all this together so it makes sense. Because life is full of trials, but the deal is who do you deal with them? I look back at my life since coming to know the Lord some 20 years ago, and seeing that when the real test came where knowing obeying the Lord meant serious changes in my life, including people like friends and family not understanding (because even I did not understand). And thinking you have lost your mind in obeying when it really made no sense. But you did it anyway. And then being grateful instead of thinking something like OK, I will do it with a drudgery like it is some sort of severe punishment or bad thing to deal with.
Over the years I have written about the trials and serious test of faith and just wanting to live even. And at the same time trying to keep a good attitude towards life, knowing it is good for me. Just like me being good for my wife to regulate her, when she does not want to be regulated like that. The thing is we all need to be regulated otherwise we would all start a fire that would kill us off. God is the great regulator if you let him be it. And he will also use other people to regulate you if you let him. Or circumstances.
Earlier today I wrote about how the verse of the day was “wait on the Lord.” And how tough it is for me to wait for patients. I do not like it one bit, but I know it is for my good. And then later in the day, after seeing the beautiful warm October day with an amazing sunset over the ocean and watching it turn to dusk and the stars come out while the dolphins still swim by for the 100th time. While at the same time, I am still waiting on the Lord to end the madness. What is the focus, the lack of discipline to wait on the Lord and expect it all now? Or to enjoy the fruit of the labor of these 16 years since moving here to where I now sit on top of the world and look down on creation?
The choice is yours to either accept and get intimate with suffering, knowing the fruit you will bear from it will be amazing. Or to complain about the trials and suffering and focus on that. Same with my wife, does she focus on the things she hates about me. And hates I regulate her? Or does she look at the fruit and the blessings we have because of it. Because seriously when I look at my life, I am utterly amazed. Amazed at how beautiful and sexy my wife is, how great my kids are, where we live, how we live. I seriously would not trade my life with anyone at this time, nor want for the Lord to spare any additional trials and suffering I need to go through to obtain even a more blessed life.
Hopefully you get the point, which is there are always things we do not like in life and wish were not their. But when you know the Lord, you see those things not as a bad thing, but as something the Lord put there on purpose to help you grow deeper in him and a better life. The choice is yours to focus in a negative way on the bad, or focus on it in a positive way, knowing these short term suffering is achieving you a glory that far outweighs it all.
The moment you choose to enjoy and embrace the suffering is the moment your life changes to become something great.
One other quick thing, which is how do you see yourself to other people? My sister in law says to her husband she is better than him and says prove me wrong? My wife many times feels the same way, and at times I feel the same way with her, that I am better. But we must overcome these feelings because they are not of God. No one is better or worse, we are all different and we need to learn from the differences in each other. The differences are meant to grow us not to be an area of debate of who is better. I have way more than 2 things my wife should enjoy in me, and I have way more to enjoy in her. And even the bad things I know are working in me to achieve a glory that far outweighs it all. So how is your focus? On the glory that will outweigh it all? Or on the drudgery of the suffering?
I have yet to have the suffering not bear good fruit with amazing blessings in the end. And the feeling I have or “sitting on top of the world, looking down on creation” is a result of embracing the suffering instead of complaining and dredging it.